It’s GLAMoms Meet a Mom Monday, and we are deeply honored to feature Kristine Kuhnert. A proud #boymom of three and a dedicated leader in the Greater Lansing community, Kristine serves as the director of Ele’s Place – Capital Region.
Kristine’s journey is one of resilience and heartbreak. When her husband Scott tragically died as a result of a drunk driver, Kristine faced unimaginable grief. She opens up about the death of her husband, the path to healing, and the strength it takes to guide her boys through their own grief. She also shares how Ele’s Place serves as a lifeline for children navigating the complexities of loss and emotions.
This November, during Childhood Grief Awareness Month, Kristine sheds light on how we can support grieving children, uplift Ele’s Place, and offer hope to those in need.
Welcome to Greater Lansing Area Moms, Kristine. Your courage and wisdom inspire us all—we are honored to share your story!
Kristine, would you introduce yourself?
I was born in Saginaw, Michigan, and attended Michigan State University, obtaining a BS in Dietetics. After graduation, I moved to NYC and worked at NY Hospital, Cornell Medical Center. After a year of city life, I returned to Saginaw to work as a Registered Dietitian at Saginaw General. During that time, I ran into a friend I met the first week of college, Scott Kuhnert (more about after this meeting below).
I worked as a dietitian at Mayo Clinic and I covered all areas, from neonatal to transplant and outpatient. In addition, I developed healthy recipes for our website, reviewed all educational materials related to nutrition, and assisted with six nutrition books, one collaborating with Dole Food Company and UCLA to write the Encyclopedia of Foods~ The Guide to Good Nutrition.
Later Scott and I moved back to the Capital Region in 2000 with our firstborn, Holden. Within 3 years, we welcomed two more sons~ a house full of testosterone.
On Dec.5, 2014, Scott went with my best friend, Ellen, to watch our boys play in a high school hockey game. On the way home, they were struck by a drunk driver driving the wrong way in Isabella County. Scott and the driver were instantly killed, and Ellen survived. In an instant, our family was forever changed.
Scott and Kristine
Would you mind sharing how you and your husband Scott first met?
Scott and I met during our first week at Michigan State University in 1987. He lived in Holmes Hall, on the same floor as one of my high school friends, while I was over in Brody. I tried to make a move during our sophomore year, but it completely went over his head! We stayed friends throughout college, and after I returned to Saginaw from New York City, I unexpectedly ran into him again—this time at the hospital, where he was in his third year of medical school.
We exchanged numbers, and a few days later, Scott called to ask me out for a last-minute date on a Saturday night. I wasn’t really busy, but I said I was and declined, figuring if he wanted to take me out, he could plan ahead. Thankfully, he did! We met at Levi’s bar the following Monday, where we enjoyed jalapeno poppers, nachos, and beer. Nine months later, Scott proposed to me at the very same spot, wearing the same outfit from our first date, with jalapeños poppers and nachos in front of us again.
Then we got engaged, and married six months later and two weeks after the wedding, we moved to Rochester, MN where Scott completed residency and I worked at Mayo Clinic.
How old are your children?
I am a mom to three incredible boys (yikes, men now): Holden, 25, Maxwell, 23, and Quinn, 21.
Holden is finishing up law school and next September he will have his own 401K! Maxwell graduated from MSU, Lyman Briggs, and is currently working at Stanford doing research on facial scarring. Quinn is a senior at MSU in accounting.
What do you think is one of the best parts about being a mom?
My answer might differ from others due to our life experiences. Being a mom is the greatest title I will ever hold.
After Scott was killed when our children were just 11, 13, and 15, the most profound part of motherhood for me has been sitting with them through that unimaginable grief. I am most proud of giving them the tools to acknowledge and process their emotions and helping them find their way through the darkest hours.
I did not let them tuck the intense emotions away. They did the hard work—I could only guide them. Watching them navigate such a difficult experience and how much they’ve grown through it has been the most meaningful part of my journey as a mother. I am confident they have the tools to handle whatever life puts before them.
What is a piece of advice for new moms you wish you would have known when you were a new mom?
Trust your intuition. You know what is best for your child/children.
What is something you would share with a mom who has younger children now that yours are all almost grownups?
As I approach a time when my kiddos will soon be on their own, I advise moms with younger children to prioritize taking care of themselves and nurturing their relationships. Your role as a mom is to raise good humans who can make a positive difference in the world.
If you want them to learn to care for themselves as adults, you must model that behavior. Remember, they are always watching and learning from you.
Kristine, you are no stranger to loss and how Ele’s Place helps children process their grief and this is a bit of a statement before a question. Unfortunately (and fortunately too) people gain perspective as they experience loss. This perspective may also be called a life lesson, and this lesson varies from person to person.
Would you share what you wish people knew about loss when they are helping others who are currently experiencing it?
One thing I wish people understood about grief is that, initially, after death, you are often surrounded by support and love. However, as the months go by, the calls and texts start to dwindle, leaving many grieving individuals feeling very lonely.
During this time, it becomes crucial to continue showing up for them. Simple gestures, like bringing a meal, sending a heartfelt card, or offering to help with tasks—like saying, “I’ll be over at 9 a.m. to rake leaves; you don’t need to come outside,”—can make a significant difference.
Additionally, I encourage people not to shy away from mentioning the name of the person who has died. One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone grieving is acknowledging their person by name and sharing a story about them. Many might hesitate, thinking they don’t want to remind the grieving person of their loss, but trust me—they haven’t forgotten. Keeping the memory alive by saying their name is profoundly meaningful.
Grief is not linear. It doesn’t get easier after the first year for many. Truthfully, my second and third years were harder than the first year.
If children are involved, please let them be kids. My kids heard, with only the best intentions, that they were the man of the house. No, they were my kids~ 11,13 and 15-year-old boys who did not need that additional pressure.
How does someone begin to process their own grief while trying to help their kids?
Processing grief while trying to help your kids is overwhelming. The key is to take it one breath at a time. When life feels entirely out of control, it’s crucial to prioritize and set boundaries. Things that used to “matter” for me just don’t anymore.
You have to remember to put on your oxygen mask so that you can be there for your kids. I would take a 20-minute walk with my dog daily to clear my head. Caring for your needs creates a stronger foundation to help them navigate their grief.
In your opinion, would you explain why it is so important to work through grief and not try to get around it?
That’s easy; you can’t get around it. It will eventually need to come out. You may think it’s better not to deal with it; however, if you don’t, it often leads to unhealthy ways of coping with grief.
Look at it this way ~ Grief is the price of love. When you love deeply, you grieve deeply. I look at grief as my friend, a reminder that I loved and was loved.
When should people ask for help?
I’ve always been the person who would drop off meals or run errands for anyone in need. However, it was hard for me to accept help when I was in pain. What finally clicked for me was one sleepless night when I found myself looking up at the stars. At that moment, I realized that if my friend were in a similar situation, all I would want to do is help them.
People who love and care about you can’t take your pain away, but they can try to ease your stress. Letting others help you is beneficial for both of you; it also helps them feel connected and involved. It’s a way of honoring the relationships that matter in our lives. Accepting help is a way to show that you trust and value those around you.
Now about Childhood Grief Awareness month. Why is this month important? How is Ele’s Place raising awareness this year?
One in 11 children will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 18 in the state of Michigan. That number doubles by 25. This does not include grandparents, friends, coaches, and other important people in a child’s life.
While we cannot prevent tragedy, we can prevent the secondary tragedy of isolation and unhealthy coping mechanisms that follow unresolved childhood grief. Ele’s Place offers essential support through our free, peer-to-peer support groups, held four nights a week. Last year alone, we served nearly 1,800 people. Over the years, we have served more than 34,000 individuals here in the Capital Region—double the seats in the Breslin Center.
Ele’s Place is truly magical—a unique space where children come together to process their grief in the presence of others who understand their intense, complicated emotions.
(Christine here) We have 3 cardinals who frequent our yard and my daughter says it is my dad, and my grandparents. Often there is 1 perched at one spot and the other 2 nearby – similar to their family of three dynamics. 🙂 I must ask, what are your thoughts on signs or little glimmers from those we have lost?
Or do you have an example you would share?
On Father’s Day in 2015, we stopped in Rochester, MN, so I could show the boys where Scott and I had lived. To our surprise, we were given the same hotel room where we had stayed during our final two weeks in Minnesota. As we loaded the car, a cardinal flew by and perched in a nearby tree. It stayed there for about ten minutes while we loaded up, creating a special moment that felt like a sign from Scott.
Does Ele’s Place have any upcoming events or fundraisers? Or should we mark any on the calendar for 2025?
Mark your calendars for 2025:
Healing Heart Society Breakfast – April 22, 2025
Ele’s Race – July 19, 2025
Ele’s Place Fall Reception Oct. 9, 2025
Save the dates here and more information in the coming months, in the meantime, at other ways to help!
Here are a couple questions to get to know you better 🙂
What time are you up in the morning?
6:30
And how do you take your coffee? 🙂
Iced and with oat milk. I always have it iced, even if the temperature is in the single digits.
Last book you read or favorite podcast?
The Women.
Looking back, would you share an influential person in your life and a bit about how this individual changed the trajectory of your life?
Looking back, I realize Scott Kuhnert is the most influential person in my life. I am a mom because of him, and his death has profoundly shaped who I am today. Scott’s death has made me a better human. I find myself worrying less and cherishing the simple joys in life. I’ve realized that creating memories is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others. My kids may not remember what Scott bought them, but they cherish the time spent together.
I don’t fret (well, most of the time!) about things I don’t control. I don’t take time for granted; if I have something to say, it could be I love you or I am frustrated with you, I say it. I try to capture moments with photos, not caring (again…most of the time) how I look; I simply embrace them. I approach life with the mindset of “I get to” instead of “I have to.” That perspective has transformed how I experience each day.
What are you looking forward to the remainder of the year?
It has been a crazy fall for me as I sold my house so I would say, finding a new place to call home! And also having one last very special Christmas with my kids at home!
If you watch television, what is your favorite show?
Ted Lasso, After Life. Sex in the City.
What children’s book did you enjoy reading when your boys were younger?
Where are some of your local favorites?
Tailgating before a Spartan football game. MSU basketball. Kayaking. Riding bikes on the river trail.
We love going to Soup Spoon, People’s Kitchen, and Maru.
Mind sharing a mom tip and or trick or hack another mom will be happy to learn?
As a mother of stinky boys, I always have a sunroof!
If you can pick up a group of kids or drop them off, always pick up. The kids will share everything on the ride home. Just be quiet and listen.
Sidebar – I (Christine) have had the privilege of knowing Kristine for several years. When my dad passed away just a week after my grandma, Kristine was there to offer support during one of the most challenging times in my life. My son was very young at the time, and with Kristine’s guidance and the incredible resources from Ele’s Place, I was able to navigate helping my child through that difficult period. Although we didn’t participate in Ele’s Place programs directly, my employer and connections with Ele’s Place provided me with valuable tools to support my 4-year-old.
After a few years of not being in touch, Kristine and I recently reconnected, and it felt like no time had passed. I am truly honored to feature Kristine here on our platform. Despite experiencing a life-changing and tragic chapter in her story, Kristine’s wisdom, wit, and strength shine through. I’m so grateful she joined us for a GLAMoms Meet a Mom!
Thank you, Kristine. Julie and I wish you the most joyful holiday season with the boys in the home you and Scott lovingly built together. As the new year approaches, we hope you find a new nest—a place that may be different but will still be yours, where the cardinal will stop by and perch in a new tree.
How do you prefer readers to connect with you if they would like more information? [email protected]
Where on the Ele’s Place website should someone who is interested in learning more begin? www.elesplace.org
